Saturday, March 31, 2007

Hennessey Egg Hunt

This was really cool of Lauri! Zach had the best time attending what was his first (and that family's ninth annual) Hennessey Easter Egg Hunt. Kids swarmed the acreage looking for the goodie eggs and then spent the rest of the time bartering their loot within the plastic eggs. The afternoon ended with a game of kick the can. How much more fun and innocent can that be? Love it.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Solange's Sex Boot Camp for Boys

My girrrrrl can write. I mean, really opine and get you yelling AMEN, SISTER!

I hail to Solange, who wrote this a little while back, and I want to see it published all over the world. Here is her missive, in its entirety below. I get a good amount of traffic on this blog, and you NEED TO APPRECIATE what my byotch is saying!. -hw
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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Million-Dollar Idea #1: Sex Boot Camp for Boys
by Solange

Million-dollar ideas. I’ve got tons of ‘em. Don’t we all? Don’t even try to tell me that you haven’t had a moment of, ‘I invented surf wax!’ or ‘Those coffee cup rings that keep your hand from getting burned were my idea,’ because you know you have, pal. Anyway, I periodically come up with these brilliant concepts, but because I lack even one entrepreneurial bone in my body, I happily send them out there into the universe, hoping that someone will take my idea, run with it, and make the world a better place – plus collect a tidy profit while they’re at it.
In any case, here’s today’s idea: a sexual training program (think Nookie Boot Camp) for young men. Let’s call it Miss Fahrenheit’s Academy of Carnal Arts, if you will. I’ve been saying this for a long time – that today’s up-and-coming young bucks need the type of erotic schooling formerly furnished in say, I don’t know, ancient cultures of yore or whatever (so I’ve heard). What do we do today? Where do these poor guys learn about sex? From porn. And trust me, I’ve got nothing against porn (only that I can’t afford to purchase more of it), but it’s hardly the legitimate erotic pedagogy needed to turn the budding studs of America from witless, useless sexual neophytes into the seasoned, sophisticated lovers women need and deserve. They’re not going to become the knee-shaking Casanovas of tomorrow by watching bald-coochied porn starlets go through The Routine: kiss (perhaps), grab boob, give the aforementioned bald coochie a cursory rub, smack booty, enter, in out in out, bust, high five. No, no, no, no, NO. There’s so much more to it than that, and this era of porn-trained, complacent men who think that The Routine will suffice has got to come to a swift and immediate end. Ladies, can I get an amen?

At the Academy, training begins with a course in basic anatomy (no, the clitoris is not inside the vagina, and yes, generally it needs to be touched to achieve orgasm). Upon successful completion of this introductory course, aspiring pupils will then learn the power of a caress to the back of the neck, the powder keg that is behind the knee, the joy that is the long, drawn-out tease. Young men will learn to look at the body as a holistic collection of sexual trigger points, not just a walking mannequin with a couple of hot zones. Seminars will be given on proper clitoral stimulation (most women like either a tapping motion or ‘little circles’ – learn it, love it, live it, guys; you will thank me for this; I swear) and will learn the Cardinal Rule of Female Orgasms: figure out what she likes and keep doing it – without stopping – until she gets hers; then, you can take yours, and everybody wins. Tutorials will be furnished on the light caress, the stinging slap, and the delicate art of putting the hand on the throat. Weekend intensives on a variety of topics – from depth control to hair pulling to proper smutty talk – will be offered with regularity, in the interest of attendee’s maximum benefit from the program.
And who will teach these much-needed classes? Just who will we rely upon to disseminate this sorely-lacking sexual wisdom to our young men? Why, of course – the MILFs of America. All applicants for academic positions at this particular Academy must meet the following requirements: 35 years of age or older, thirty lovers under her belt or more (including at least five eight years or more her junior), demonstrated reliability and patience, a desirable physical presentation, a clean bill of health, and a sincere interest in the carnal well-being of America’s citizenry. In fact, sign me up………………….

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Last of spring skiing

Nice way to wrap up the week! Thank you Sue and Jim, for coordinating a wonderful Crystal Mt weekend! It was fabulous. Lounging in the hot tub, under a pine tree canopy, with little misty raindrops falling on your wine for us and kids singing karaoke (I watched!). The breeze of crisp air and sunlight beaming along a lighted ski path...gorgeous!
And FERA ski pants, size 6, at 40% off, give it to me baby!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Swanked out boys

I don't want my boys wearing the "Toughskins" in a Calvin Klein world, so I reach the happy medium of buying a lot of skate/surf label new stuff on eBay. This is a beautiful thing.

Growing up in So Cal as I did makes one very label conscious, because there's a place that's always very AVANT and image savvy. I remember that people who wore Toughskins took a lot of shite, and the labels were always looked upon with status. And kids at school can be mean! I have volunteered a lot this year and it never ceases to amaze me how harsh they can be. I call them out if I see it, but how you dress can divert a lot of the senseless cruelty.

Alex went to school today in his brand spanking new Etnies. He is so cute anyway, the Etnies are just the icing on the cake. I never want them to be dudded up for school, but cool and dudelike--I'm all about that. Al has grown his rattail to about 6 inches now, streaming down from an otherwise short haircut. It's his declaration of style--because he really wanted a mullet (!), "no no no," I said.

The boys are adorable. Etnies, Timberland, Quicksilver or not.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


And it feels so good...Ha!

There's nothing like reuniting with longtime friends in person! The Internet is one thing, but hugs, the sound of laughter and the conviviality that sparks in face to face communication is so awesome. Especially after 18 years! We are EXACTLY the same two people we once were.

Kat Schultz and I had what can only be described as a -spirited- evening. Picked her up at the office, headed to Pike Place Market in a parking place quest, and the rest is history. Thank you Jason at The Pink Door (AS IF WE NEEDED that topper glass of Sangiovese).

Here's to more good times ahead.