Sunday, September 30, 2007

A Saturday of Friends




The boys and I enjoyed a leisurely wake-up, this the day after Alex has his FIRST DANCE at Jr High and seemed to take to the dancefloor in the company of a Harbor School girl. Go Alex!

Destination for the day was the Red Bull Soap Box Car Derby in Fremont. Sir Mix A Lot was a judge and it took everything in my power not run up to him and stick out my butt yelling "BABY GOT BACK!" I just love that guy.

First we hit Kassie's to pick up our pal, then to the parking hell of Fremont. It would appear ALL OF SEATTLE had the same idea. Fremont's entire hillside was a mob scene, cuz, of course, Fremont knows how to party! We found our choice seats on a retaining wall covered in Ivy. Unfortunately, the spiders were there first...hundreds of em! We brushed each other off constantly.

The race was no motor, just gravity powered and all cars could not be more than 6 ft wide, 15 ft long and had to be less than 165 pounds. Lots of chick drivers!

My favorite soap box cars--all from local interests and corporations, mind you:
The Rollaroid--a giant Polaroid shaped camera.
Team Spiccoli--a bleached mullet squad in Mexi ponchos on a surfboard looking car
The Skatebanana-a giant banana flying down Fremont Ave!
The Rollin Sushi--cleverly, green Saran wrapped short cylinder filled with orange balloons to look like salmon roe. In the middle was the pilot. It was awesome watching a sushi roll descend the hill.


Lunch at Blue C, shopping at Jive Time records followed, and before you knew it, the kids had to get back to their dad's!

The fun continued on Vashon. Patricia and I watched our friend Darryl perform in a local performance called Blood--mostly interpretive dance. He was the levity in the show--thank god! I'm just not a big perfomance art kinda gal. I'm too literal. The singer doing music in the background, Yvonne Pitrof was awesome, too. What a gift to have a pretty songbird voice (like Elsa Svensson too!).

Night ended at the hardware store. Trish and I caught up on the latest, philosophized about personalities, and enjoyed.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Worth the Wait

When you're a 38-year-old divorcee with two kids, it's a bit unrealistic to think you'll ever find Mr Wonderful, someone who'll be everything you've always wanted, AND come to your domain where things are anchored, AND dazzle you with all his hidden talents.

This is why I sing the praises of David crossing paths with me at this stage in life. Just at the moment when you let go and make peace with going it alone (and having nookie and dates as a sidebar), things like this happen.

Back around the holidays when I talked about my blogger muse DD and Match.com, I had fun dreaming up what my ideal match would be, and writing up that description. The scary thing is, David met that EXACT description. It was specific, too! I actually mailed it to him so he could see how scary cool that was. I am blessed with this love--something I never saw comin! Amen for former classmates and reunion emails. That's how this all got started.

Now the Austin Powers in me is taking over and I want to say something cheeky!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Ya think?!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Meet the Parents




This weekend was my "Meet the Parents" experience, and by my account it was a smashing success. I didn't hold back. Dropped a few f-bombs, cuz that's who I am. Laughed a lot, cuz that's who I am. Told all about me, cuz that's who I am.

David's mom and stepdad came all the way up from Sacramento to make me the headliner of their Seattle visit, mainly because in just two short weeks, my household will become that of a nuclear family for all intents and purposes. Because we're getting serious, and because David's already been through the rigors of meeting all my family except Brion (my year younger bro), it only seemed fair a reciprocation was in order!

We got along well. They are such nice, self-actualized, call it like you see it folks. They got a dose of island living, being on the island with me. We did the farmers market, a local CRUSH-tasting at Sweetbread Cellars on the NorthEnd, dined at Gusto Girls, and they did intelligence on me with the local merchants! It's too small an island.

Let's just say that if you hear I'm a fiancee...it's a rumor...at this point!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

A VERY small "claim"

This letter was recently mailed from yours truly. Names have been changed to protect the flaccid. -h

Sept. 15, 2007

Mr. GJ FLACCID
4 FLACCID LN NW
Bremerton, WA 98312

RE: Notice of Small Claim No. 75-973

Dear Mr. FLACCID:

Please find attached payment in full to satisfy claim 75-973 in the amount of $1,166.

Thank you for your thoughtful suggestion to consult the Dispute Resolution Center, which is precisely what I did Sept. 4 in creating and sending you the settlement proposal of a payment plan, which you flatly declined.

Had it not been for the intervention of a family member (writing a check), your time would be further wasted stumbling through an arduous collection attempt.

Although this sum satisfies the claim in full, it won't turn back the clock, burn calories, banish one’s self-crippling cynicism, restore love lost or sustain fleeting erections. What it will do is end any involvement you have with me, and that is worth every penny, with interest. Enjoy your free time obsessing over something else.


Sincerely,



Ms. Heidi Witherspoon
1 YOURE OUTTA HERE Ave. SW
Vashon, WA 98070


Cc:
King County District Court – West Division
Notice of Small Claims

Monday, September 17, 2007

Funk from the folds


I'm probably going to go to hell for posting this, but I have to share.

This weekend I was in Boise, ID to commemorate yet another 20-yr high school reunion. Cuz when ya move in your teens, this is the benefit you get! Nobody recognized me from then to now, and it was kind of fun to keep them guessing. Were they staring at my chest, or my name badge with the photo?!

I'll save the reu for another blog; right now I want to tell you about a hair curling experience that occured on the plane ride home.

I'm an aisle seat kinda gal. My cross-aisle neighbor lady was a large passenger, NO I MEAN REAAAAAALY large. She's the kind of lady of whose size radio talk show hosts banter about with the whole "she should buy TWO SEATS!" airline travel courtesies. I'd wager 300 lbs. And I pitied the skinny young man who ended up with the middle seat in her row, because I saw the look of dread in his eyes when they fell upon his seated neighbor on his approach to ID his seat. He was sharing his seat with half her leg, overflowing belly and her shimmying-when-stationary arms. It was awful for both of them.

But nothing could have prepared me for what happened when we landed: I got my first ever whiff of fat funk, up close and personal. As soon as the fasten seatbealt light went off and the bell chimed, the woman ambled her way upright. I was leaned forward with my forehead resting on the seat in front just watching for those crazy crowded in people to disperse. But jumbo mama's ASS WAS STARING ME IN THE FACE! The smell of her sweaty, festering, lardy salve--accumulating God only knows where--was catching its first breezes in hours and the wall of funk had drifted and gotten air-pocketed in my row. I pined for the barf bag but apparently those have gone the way of airline meals and are no longer supplied!

I learned that I am capable of holding my breath for an entire minute! Whew!

Sunday, September 09, 2007

A Night in the Swedish ER

I don't want to bore you with the 4 wks of gorey details of what brought me to the ER, but know this: I've had the worst, wackiest solid 4 weeks of health challenges of my life. Bacteria in nether regions, antibiotics, severe allergic reaction, new antibiotics, first infection resolving while new pains and aches develop in a completely different area, ultrasound and more labs revealing nada (looking in the areas of the first infection). I was still sick.

I don't make stuff up. The last place I want to be is in a hospital. Two girlfriends and mom prompted me to go to the best and stop futzing around on the island, staying in pain all these weeks. After wrapping up Friday work, I told the island doc my plan and she agreed I should go. Kids and I headed to Kassie's, and I planned to be back in a couple hours. Well....a pee test, CT scan, blood test and big-shot-in-ass later, I returned in the wee hours with a diagnosis of cystitis that had ascended to the kidney. I'm on Keflex and here's hoping!

At Swedish, I was given the bed space I jokingly named the "corner suite." The bed barely fit in there. All the acoustics bounced off the walls into my little space. I lay on a gurney in my sexy, back-opening hospital gown, with undulating stabbing kidney pain offset by the entertaining conversations surrounding me, pinging into my earshot. It was like "night court" for hospitals. Here are some vignettes of patients and staff (they were awesome):

A schizophrenic 250+ pound woman
She was slovenly dressed and 35 yrs of age, with crusty foot soles and an unpredictable demeanor. She screamed in pain, breathed hard, cried out (waiting and exam rooms both) that turantulas were crawling all over her feet, then it was snakes, then it was turantulas. "Dont you see them?! How can you let them do this to me!!" I saw her in the waiting room. She was running up to the front reception alerting the desk "that man next to me is trying to kill me!" He was the husband of a patient, total stranger. After being looked at I heard the doctor releasing her home. She wanted something to ease the pain. I think she was there for drugs, to get high.

Tucker, the visiting pro skater from San Diego
All I can say is this man, in his 20s, won't be skateboarding again soon. He fell 5 feet onto concrete doing a skate trick, landing with all his weight squarely on his hip--his femur shattered, and the leg was off the socket. They drugged him up with dilaudin and informed him and his VERY hovering family (and a dad who wanted his kid pumped with as much pain killer as possible--a strong advocate)he'd be having constructive surgery the next morning and a rod would be going in to help the shattered bones fuse together. Damn!

Low self esteem woman, let's call her Mini
Mini had the pulp beaten out of her by her so called boyfriend. She was about 50. In the waiting room, she had a bandage across her nose, a mouth so swollen it hung open with fat lips pursed, and black eyes that looked like permanent tribal paint. In the exam area the social worker asked: Did you call the police? (NO) Has this happened before? (YES) Do you have anywhere to stay? (NO) The social worker comes back a few minutes later. "Here is a list of all the safe houses around the city. I've called each looking for a room. Unfortunately, all of them are full for the entire weekend."
(I think, holy shit, if I wasn't sleeping here, or at Kassie's, she'd be coming home with me!) I felt like I needed to help her. But in the end, I think that woman was fully intending to head straight back to her perpetrator.

The captive Indian
He was sick. He needed treatment, but the minute they weren't looking he ripped out his IV and started booking. A nurse said, "Sir, sir, where are you going," and the Indian man said "I'll be right back..." sure you will. He normally was a patient of Indian Health. He had NO DESIRE to stay. Someone commented, "I'd like to see the before and after breathalizer if he actually DOES come back..."

Before I left, to ease the discomfort, a rather attractive male nurse informs me I'll be getting a shot of a super anti-inflammatory. I joked, "lemme guess you're going to put it in my ass!" (then I realized that sounded TOTALLY perverted!). He let's a pause go by and smiles with a reply, actually the injection does go in the hip area (read: ass!). So he comes back and says this shot isn't so bad because at least the needle isn't FAT, just long.

Okay, I could make a million jokes here, but hopefully this is the END to a long chapter of feeling achey, weak and tired. I have Keflex working in the blood (which is a miracle I'm not allergic to since Penicillin and Levaquin nearly killed me) and life should be normal again soon. Work, home and kids have not suffered, I've just kind've shouldered this myself and next time I'll make a much bigger deal to doctors to LISTEN TO ME. That was a long road.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Very Vashon!


Nuff said. Love my island!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Labor Day Weekend

Hi folks!
My grandparents would WANT me to blog! So I'm back in the game and easing out of the grief. David, my lovely, luscious, sweet, witty, fun boyfriend (and long distance love for just another month) came to visit for the extended weekend and he immersed himself in a few days in the life of me. What a sport. And he still likes me! LOL

He cooks unbelievably well. He is like Speedy Gonzalez in the kitchen and all over the house. He vacuumed out my car as a sweet gesture while I worked. Wow! He let me run to the doc, then a student teacher orientation, while he and the kids played. He reminds me of how much I DONT GET DONE living by myself, but he helped out to be sweet and not to rub salt in my busy girl wounds. My honey do list could be like a child's list to Santa. Ay yi yi!

Another Coronado mini reunion took place with one of D's former classmate's Tony from Pt Townsend. Kassie. Alana. Eden. Patricia and sons. My house was BBQ central Saturday night and it was delightful to host a fete in this big house that rarely entertains more than my family. IT was a family stayover here for Tony, and then a jaunt to Jay Fiery's the next night--just D and me.

I am thankful for my children and family, my great friends and my David. 2007 has been the best year of my life and there's much more living to do!